Get More Done AND Be More Free and At Ease: The Source of Accountability

"Accountability is the opportunity to live at choice rather than accidentally."                                     
                           - Werner Erhard

It doesn’t always feel that way.  Here’s a story that, I think, illustrates that. 

Last week I was on the phone with a contractor who was already behind in doing what he said he would get done.   I was expecting a detailed estimate on some work that day and I had gotten it yet, so I called to check in. 

Now, I was expecting an estimate.  In reality, however, he hadn’t told me he would do anything. 

What he did tell me was subtly different.  He told me he would do his best.  He told me he would try.  But he hadn’t promised one single, exists-in-time-and-space result. 

Now I was in a situation where all his best and all his trying wasn’t getting me what I wanted.  And time was going by, and pretty soon it would start to cost money I hadn’t planned for.

At the same time, I was feeling annoyed because I was in a position where I saw two options.  I could listen to him tell me again how he would try… how he should able to… how he would do his best.  I knew where that got me: on the phone two weeks later with no estimate.  This, by the way, is what living life accidentally looks like. 

Option two felt a little uncomfortable.  I could be relentless and rigorous about getting a promise: a specific result by a specified time.   

I didn’t want to be relentless and rigorous about getting a clear promise.  Clearly, he didn’t want to give me one. 

I knew where we were.  We had fallen into the good/bad, right/wrong, should/shouldn’t way of looking at promises and agreements. 

From the world of good and bad, people hate making promises.  It feels like you’re putting yourself on a hook.  That’s because as much as you plan and allow for circumstances, you can’t predict them all.  At some point, the perfect storm will arise and, when it does, you’ll break a promise.  From the world of good/bad, when that happens you did something wrong.  Why would you ever want to make a promise. 

From the world of good and bad, I hate asking people to make promises!  I have this fear that they’re going to feel  cornered and then lash out or leave. 

That’s the context that was there as I was on the phone with this man who was doing exactly what people do when they are operating from the world of good and bad about promises.  “I’ll have something to you as soon as I can…”  “I’ll do my best to…”  “:I should be able to…”  As he was telling me about his best hopes and wishes, he was also sprinkling in facts about his life.  He coaches his kids in their sports.  He’s a devoted husband.  His life is very full. 

And a good/bad view of promises and agreements gets in the way of experiencing the fullness of life.  In it, we avoid making clear promises we can be held accountable for.   It’s the safe thing to do!  If breaking a promise is dangerous, the best thing in the world is to avoid making them altogether. 

While it feels safe, it has an insidious, dark side to it. 

The trouble with all that “soon as I can/I’ll try my best/I should be able to…” is that he was setting himself to feel guilty every moment that ticked by when he didn’t have me an estimate.  He would be coaching his kids’ game and, in the back of his mind, that unfinished estimate would be gnawing at him.   I could imagine him distracted, checking his watch and wondering if there would be time in between the game ending and the sitter showing up so he and his wife could make their dinner reservations.   That’s not a great way to live. 

Further, in letting it slide, I was setting myself up to be nervous about whether the work I need done is, indeed, going to get done.   I could see myself distracted, wondering if it would be rude to check in, and nervous that we should find someone else. 

That good/bad treatment of promises is bad for all parties. 

Here’s how I interacted with him to pull us out of the world of good/bad, right/wrong and simply in the world of workability. 

After he told me all about what he should be able to do if he tried his best I said, “I got you are going to try and get this done as soon as you can.  Here’s how I like to work so we can both have peace of mind.  Just take an honest look at what you have on your plate, what works for your life, and what it will take to get me an estimate.  Then, make a promise and, if something comes up and you need to adjust, be in communication.” 

He paused and I could feel him relax.  “Next Friday.” 

“Perfect.  I’ll look for something then,” I said. 

Here’s what that does.  He can relax.  He doesn’t have to be at his kids’ little league game this weekend with one eye on this project and trying to squeeze in writing up an estimate in between X, Y or Z family commitment.  He’s freed up to be there fully with his family.  Further, when he does get to the work, it won’t be with the cloud of I should have had this done sooner hanging over it. 

For my part, I got to relax and focus on my own work, not wondering if this work is every going to get done and should I find someone else (he comes HIGHLY recommended) and, if I call him again on Tuesday am I being annoying and risking pushing off a good contractor?  I was freed up to wait until Friday and, if nothing came then, take action then.    

With clear and certain promises it creates the opportunity for everyone involved to be 100% present with the work that’s in front of them. 

And guess what?  Outside of the world of right and wrong, when I got up on Wednesday, I had an estimate waiting for me.  Two days ahead of schedule.  That’s living life at choice. 

That is the power of real accountability.  Take this on as a practice with your teams and, while it might be uncomfortable to start, life will get easier.  People will have more clarity.  They will be more at ease.  And, oddly, they will get more done.