Being an Unmessable-With Leader - Building an Environment of Unmessability

Let’s start with the “previously on.”  Being a leader is being someone who communicates so that others imagine a future that matters to them and then act in service of that future’s fulfillment.  Being unmessable with as a leader involves having the capacity to do that in a way that meets the needs of the situation and the people involved.  It could mean being direct and demanding.  It could mean being gentle and nurturing.  The situation decides.   That was what we covered in part 1.  What often gets in the way of being flexible and adaptable is when we get defensive.  That was part 2, which also included some useful practices for letting go of that.  Part 3 was about identifying the “what for” that will keep you centered when the noise in your head heats up.  By the way, any time someone “insults” you, that’s noise in your head.  Part 4 gave a formula for quieting the noise that arises when agreements aren’t handled.  Part 5 was about developing the practices necessary to listen so that those around you connect to what matters. 

Here's the last piece of being unmessable. 

Live life like this is the truth: You are going to get messed with. 

Now, that may not be the truth, but it works to live life like you will.  The truth is that I have met very few people in my life who don’t (seem to) get messed with at some point.  I am not one of those people.  I get messed with plenty.  There are still those situations or people that, when they occur, I get knocked off center from my vision and values.  One part of owning a business is sales.  Over the years, I’ve done a lot of work on how I see marketing and selling my services.  I used to hate it.  Now, for the most part, I am really connected to selling as part of the work and, as part of the work, while I’m finding out about prospects, brainstorming solutions, and scoping out work, I find a lot of excitement and satisfaction.  For the most part.  Where I tend to get rattled is when a client is this close to signing and then says, “you know what?  Something else is going to take priority now…”  That’s when I will find myself standing at a counter over an open bag of chips (not the snack-sized), feeling bad for myself at how hopeless things are. 

That’s one way I get messed with.  What reliably gets me out of this is creating an environment that pulls me out of my head.  When I say “environment” I don’t mean the stuff that I keep around me.  It isn’t the quotes I have hanging on my wall, or the sloganed up coffee cups.  Nothing against that stuff; it empowers you, great. 

What I am talking about are the people in your life.   It works to have people in your life who empower you in different components of your leadership, in different areas of your life.   Here’s the exercise that will help you build an environment of unmessability. 

1.      Get a sheet of paper (or a spreadheet) and make a table with five columns.  Label them: a) area, b) Listens for Vision, c) Encourages Communication, d) supports planning, e) cultivates growth. 

2.      Then list the different areas of life where you would have a commitment to bringing leadership.  NOTE – if you have complaints in that area, write it down. 

3.      In b) list anyone in that area who empowers you by helping you stay connected to why it matters.   It doesn’t have to be someone connected to that area.  As a business owner, I have a network of other business owners as part of an accountability group, and one thing I ask them to hold me accountable for is staying connected to my vision and values. 

4.      In c) list anyone who you review your promises and agreements with and supports you in getting in communication when your agreements are broken.  Again, it doesn’t have to be anyone directly connected.  I talk specifically with someone outside my business to review areas of my life and how they’re working, and note areas where I’m behind or falling behind.  This person never says, “that’s understandable.  It is always, “what’s the action to take?”   That supports me in keeping a firm foundation for what I am up to. 

5.      In supports planning, note anyone who you review your goals and progress toward your vision.  By the way, some of these might be the same people.  One person who helps me stay connected to my vision also asks me if my planning is in line with my vision.  I put her name in both columns. 

6.      Finally, in the last column, write down anyone who encouraged you to grow.  We didn’t cover this in this series, but list people who challenge your way of thinking, encourage you to take a new perspective, or to try things you haven’t tried before.

7.      Now, for the people who are on your list, let them know they’re on your list.  That will do two things.  First, it will empower them in empowering you.  It makes a difference to know your behavior makes a difference.  Let them know.  Second, knowing that you count on them for empowering you, it will (likely) have them listen with greater intentionality for what will empower you.

8.      For any blank spots, look at who can fill that area.  It may be that you already have the people providing those things in different areas and you simply ask them to provide coaching in a new area.  I have a coach who I started work with to help me be a better partner to my wife, and he now coaches me around business and volunteer work as well.  It may be you ask people you see could provide those things.  If that’s the case, I recommend finding people who demonstrate the things you want to develop. 

And that, my friends, covers the basics of being unmessable-with.